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About once a year we did a Story-Poetry contest. Here are a few of them and some random entries, just for a bit of history:
SAUSAGE, MONOPOLY, BLANKET, ACE, WHOOOSH, BLUE, PAPER, FOLD, CRACKER
The aged man holds a monopoly on wisdom
While the young man is playing with his sausage
The young girl hides under her blanket
As the old woman teases her hair of blue.
The parrot screams for another damn cracker
And the cat still won't go on the paper.
Drunk, my head goes whoosh with the universe,
Holding on, wondering if I shouldfold this ace
though one day when little jappie was 14 years old, there was another kid at school who was a pwnstar at monopoly. he was actually way better than jappie. something little jappie couldn't really appreciate. game after game was lost by jappie by losing all his fake money. however to jappie this loss of worthless paper meant the world to him.
as jappie never took the effort of finding real friends apart from his admirers, jappie was left alone. forgotten. always sitting with the geeks of the school during lunch. jappie was sad, and angry at the same time. he wanted, and would get back his status as monopoly pwnstar. revenge!!
he made his plan. it would not fail. he bought a sausage from a hotdogstand on the corner of the street of where he lived. he payed the man $2.00 for his sausage, and went back home again. on the kitchen table already stood the the jar of ratpoison ready to be put in the sausage and to be handed over to his hated opponent. he layed the sausage on the kitchentable, threw away the empty jar of poison, and went to the toilet. though as he went to the livingroom to watch some televison before doing the job he froze. on the couch his little sister lay dead, with clear symptoms of a high dose of ratpoison. He ran to the kitchen and was horified to see that the sausage was gone. Heartbroken he looked at his little sister who had oibviously puked. she looked blue, and felt cold, gone forever. "this is all that stupid pwnstar's fault" was what jappie thought. his hunger for revenge had gone stronger.
Time for plan B, one more try.this plan would not fail. it couldn't! he had to ace this plan to make it work. so much could go wrong with this plan, but he had a job to do. kill his hated opponent, and regain his superiority as a monopoly player again.
Christmas was heading. a perfect oppurtunity to fix this job was what jappie thought. "i'll make a bomb, and make it look like a christmas gift, and then drop it without a name on his doorstep. He fold the bomb into a nice colourful wrap. The bomb was heat sensitive, so jappie couldn't touch it without protection. jappie was a clever boy, and made sure he stayed out of danger. this plan was going to work !!
At christmas eve jappie sneaked out of the house with the bomb under his arm. he got to his opponents house, and dropped the bomb. rang the bell, and ran away. He stood still behind the bushes to look how he was going to eliminate his only competitor ever. Though jappie was about to experience a nasty surprise. Not the monopoly pwnstar opened the door, but jappie's very own brother who stayed there that evening.
jappie sprinted out of the bushes shouting at his brother : '" noooooo look out that's not a christmas cracker" !!!. but it was already too late, his brother had already picked up the present.
"WHOOOSH"
his brother was blown up in the air, and landed on the stone pavement in front of his competitor's door.
quickly he went to his brother. wrapped him in a blanket, and buried him in the bushes where he had just sat to hide and watch himself become world's best monopoly player again. he had failed. he had lost 2 familymembers in such a short time. he killed them both on accident. Jappie never played monopoly again!
Billys signature meat specialty,
was a tasty sausage snacker.
It was simply a piece of meat
with cheese between two crackers.
It was actually quite tasty,
and it wasnt at all sloppy,
as it came wrapped in white paper,
you could even eat it at a seminar for a business monopoly.
But one day poor Billy,
fell ill for eating his snacker.
He discovers that there was mold,
growing on the bottom cracker.
When he took that fateful bite,
his face turned a scary blue,
and when he took a look,
he discovered where the mold grew.
Billy trudged on home,
and really tried to get better.
He wrapped himself tightly in a blanket,
because he was under the weather.
And then all of a sudden,
something strange happened to occur.
His sickness decided to whooosh away,
in a crazy sudden blur.
With this sudden miracle,
Billy felt a rush of luck.
So he headed to play some poker,
but poor Billy really sucked.
He was dealt his first hand,
and his first card revealed an ace.
His second card revealed the same,
and he got this look on his face.
He thought to himself "What does this mean?"
and then to be so bold.
Billy thought it was the smart thing to do,
the idiot decided to fold.
Billy went on to go broke that night.
And lost his car so he had no ride.
So Billy did the only thing left.
Happy Billy commited suicide.
I bet you all are dissapointed and shocked,
and the ending probably made you scream.
But dont worry because its a happy ending,
Billy was just having a dream!
O'er there a large fat man at his workshop
Staring at a list of naughty and good
The little Elves work like at a sweatshop
All the while he stuffs his face with food
His red coat covered in crumbs and sugar
Cramming a ding dong down his gullet
Then one of the elves pulls out a Ruger
Intent on hitting him with a bullet
So around he sneaks, quick as a flit
Intent on the deed he's about to commit
He sneaks around every corner, every turn
Intent that this big red slave driver will burn
It's unbelievable, uncomprehensible, insane!
That this little elf would blow off Santa's brain
But that is the plan, the scheme, the plot
To once and for all rid the world of this sot
And with a wink of his eye and a blood curdling scream
"Burn in hell you flippin' drag queen!"
Then came a loud bang and an eery calm
All of the elves began to gather round
The elf stared down at his blood stained palm
Then they all cheered "Wow" and danced around
Now I know you all must think that something's amiss
But that is the true story of the Elf who saved Christmas
I felt like a king
sitting on the sofa
drinking my Irish coffee,
as my beautiful woman
wearing a silky red dress
winked in such a flirtatious way
showing off the diamonds
bought after the lotto bink.
I was seriously slapped back
to reality as the alarm sang out.
So im sitting here in the 3million chip Big blind, and I find Ah As, and I see the UTG chipleader who was also a massive fish open to 21million. At this point I slapped myself in the face to ensure I was awake, and I had to resist the urge to make weird giggles of excitement. It's folded around to me, and I dont hesitate to shove my 70 million stack -1 to the middle praying to get called by this idiot. It takes about 5 seconds for him to type in the chat "I have Ace and King!!" and another second to shove in his entire stack. At this point, Ive got myself into a pretty nasty spot. I can't really fold for my last chip, but his message kinda had me lean towards folding.
I had about 7 minutes left in my timebank, so I left my PC and lie on the sofa overthinking all possible meanings of his typer message. With about 1 minute left I convinced myself to make the call, and pray for the best.
So I make the call, and this guy shows up with a red offsuited 2d 3h and Im like seriously dude? WTF he said he had AK. At this point Im already convinced im going to lose this hand because of his earlier chat. Im still praying though.
The flop comes down Ac Ad 5d
BINK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So at this point Im over 99.9% to win the hand, and take a massive chiplead on the FT bubble with 2 million dollars up top, I can hardly repress my joy and I pee myself a little whilst sitting in my chair waiting for the turn and river to give me the pot.
The turn comes down 4d and Im like: Don't even fcking think about it stars, dont even fcking think about it!
The river comes down, and off course it's the motherfcking 3 of diamonds. 3d hits the river, and the 150million pot, worth 25% of the chips in play gets shoved towards the fish. and Im busted out in 12th place.
Jappie007 [observer]: are you fcking serious stars?
massive fish: ;)
Jappie007 [observer]: Did u really just wink at me?
massive fish: At least you have a story to tell to people
Jappie007 [observer]: Yes, Yes I have
Yes the motherf'cker winked at me after making the most retarded suckout in online poker, and yes he told me that it's a nice story to tell. So here I am on surfers sharing the most painful moment in my entire pokercareer, hoping it's going to be worth something after all.
for the queen of diamonds
was bathing in almonds
and drinking his favourite cofee
"Please cover your baps"
before you get slapped
from the sofa he pleaded
to ensure this all rhymes
and flows in correct time
this useless verse was needed
but seriously red he went
as over she bent
exposing her royal bink
as she stepped out of the bath
she winked and then laughed
"what will your wife think"
Big yellow snowmen turn me on
Insta-bike them then I'm gone
Leave two holes in their behind
Noobs will facepalm, but love is blind
Am I a queen? It's hard to tell
Just love dat feel of a frozen bell
I was walking in a beautiful garden.....Noone to be seen, yet, there was a whisper of sound, a hint of promise..of...what? I walked on, and finally made out a shadow in the trees ahead. I crept up, and peered through the foliage, and what to my eyes did appear, but a semi-naked Vanessa Rousso, clothed only in a translucent pink bikini. She lay beneath a singular tree in the middle of the clearing, beckoning,...
In her hands was a shining apple. Without speaking, her eyes drew me into the clearing.... I stood before her, and could feel my manhood begin to strain in my Levi's. She smiled a knowing smile, and lifted the apple to me. I took the fruit, and began to bite it when a huge CRASH echoed through the clearing....Someone was coming, and coming wildly.....when what should crash into the clearing...but Lou Diamond Phillips! He was wild eyed was he. with the look of a crazy man, frothing at the mouth and waving his arms with abandon.
He came at me, and I defended myself, as I am well versed in the pugilistic discipline. But instead of striking me, he grabbed me with fervor...I could now see he was injured...He was trying to speak, to convey some knowledge to me...As he slid to the ground, he struggled to utter one last message. I drew him close as the life left him as vapor leaves the surface of a warm lake on a cold day..and he said....." Veidtmeister, don't fall to the wiles of this harlot". You must get back....you must get back.....
I began to ask, but he finished his thought...."Its Sunday, you've got to play the Sunday Million!"
I was taken aback...was it Sunday? Did I miss it? God, thank this man for risking life and limb to get to me.....
I looked down at the sad looking Lou Diamond Phillips, and came to a decision. I picked up a large rock and "KAPOW", knocked him dead.
Turning to the alluring Vanessa, I looked deep into her chest and said.... screw it, theres always the Sunday 500."